Friday, March 28, 2008

My dilemmas

Are you satisfied with the way your academic life has been going ? Did you actually achieve your childhood dream? Are you happy with what you are? Would you want to continue doing that in the future?

Whenever I ask these questions to myself, the answer which I get is a big NO. Talking about my academic life, every constituent of it is now determined by its utility in the future. As of now, I am a person with no area of interest. I can study anything which I am made to. I have been trying to forcibly develop some area of interest but after every few days, I find myself pondering over the futility of all these things. I could attribute these thoughts to the frustration that I experience due to doing things which I think are not meant for me. There is huge incongruency between what I like and what I perceive is beneficial for me. Most of the courses that I opt for are those which I think could help me get a good job. A bad grade in a subject could be disturbing as it would lower my grade points and can affect my chances for a good job. My thinking as of now is restricted to getting a good pay package at the end of my stay here. But one thing that disturbs me is would I be happy doing something in my life which I cant do even for a semester. Is this actually what I want to achieve?

I also ask myself, that can I be hold solely responsible for the attitude that I have developed? But when I see other students encountering the same problems, the same dilemmas, I fell that there is something wrong with the system itself. The system of which you and I are part of. The system which gives priority to money over the interest. The system where quality is compromised for quantity. The system in which a student is spoonfed leaving little space for ingenuity and innovation. The system where a student has to accept things as they are. The system which has destroyed curiosity, our inherent characteristic. The system in which a person is directed to do things all through his life and then suddenly expected to take decisions, all of his own. The system which has provided so many employees but very little employers.

I am still unsure of how things would turn out for me. All I wish is a fast forwarding of my life to a position where all my dilemmas are resolved.